Asking Eric: Ex-friend left behind dead cat (2024)

R. Eric Thomas, Tribune Content Agencyon

Dear Eric: Before a summer trip to visit family in 2019, a friend’s cat passed away. She wrapped the kitty in one of her husband’s T-shirts and buried it in the desert backyard, maybe two feet deep. Around the day she was leaving, she discovered that desert fauna had slipped inside the backyard fence and disturbed the site. She told me she couldn't deal with the mess; which I completely understand. I was cat-sitting her other cat, so I helped.

My first attempt at cleanup was not successful. Second attempt,I thought I'd either take the remains to be cremated, or bury the cat in my backyard. Cremation costs were out of my means so, for the last six years, the kitty has been safely buried in my yard.

In the time since, our friendship has disintegrated. I returned her key to her house. She has never really said that she hated or liked my solution to the cat's burial. She is a very private person; and can be passive-aggressive, snarky and avoidant.

But, what do I do with the deceased cat? If one of my kitties had had to be buried elsewhere, I would be angry. Do I dig up the kitty and cremate what is left? Do I create a box of cremains-like and mail it? Put what's left in the dirt in a box and not cremate? Cremate, send her an email, apologizing and wishing her well and give a deadline for mailing?

– Pet Cemetery Sitter

Dear Sitter: Cats have nine lives, but one burial suffices. Two is generous. Three risks farce. Let the cat rest undisturbed in your yard. You kindly solved a problem for your friend that she should have cared enough to solve. You’ve done more than your share and can let your worries rest in peace, as well.

Dear Eric: At 75, I have been getting rid of stuff for years to get ready to meet my maker. Unfortunately, my son's new girlfriend thinks I can't afford decorations. I pass on all the lovely arts and crafts she gives me to the Goodwill.

I don't want to tell her that I would prefer a handmade coupon for a lunch date at the cafe of my choice or other useful items. I'd love fragrance-free soaps and shampoo, canned tuna fish or stamps. I've just gotten rid of a lifetime of clothes and prefer an austere life now. Advice, please?

– Downsizing Dilemma

Dear Downsizing: Friend, you’re already there! You’ve downsized everything, including the potential conflict. In your letter, you’ve figured out the problem and a solution that could make everyone happy. So, just tell her the truth. You’re still building a relationship and the best way to do that is to communicate, kindly and helpfully.

Before the next gift-giving holiday, let her know exactly what you wrote to me: I’m downsizing, it’s freeing; here’s what would be really valuable to me. You can even model it by giving her a coupon for a lunch date to show you mean it.

Dear Eric: I'm a comfortably retired, single only child who is fortunate to have relatives nearby. We are in each other's lives often and in supportive ways. I'm there for celebrations, emergencies and other events both joyful and sad.

My health care proxy, power of attorney and other legal papers are with them. We've had conversations about my wishes at the end of life and for some time I've felt "settled" in that regard.

Recently they shared they plan to move to a different region of the country upon retirement, which will be within four years. There has been no acknowledgement of the impact of their move on me.

I'll be in my late 70's by then and the thought of navigating the challenges of advancing age pretty much alone is frightening. I am conflicted about what to do here. Do I just come out and ask, "Have you given any thought to the impact of your move on me and other members of the family?" I hate this feeling; they are entitled to enjoy their retirement wherever they choose.

– Distressed About the Future

Dear Distressed: You trust them enough with your power of attorney and care, not to mention your joys and celebrations, so trust them with this tender emotion as well. Tell them that you’re happy for them and also that you’re scared about your own future. The two emotions aren’t in conflict.

Ask them to help you think through what this means for you. Perhaps they’ve already given it some thought. You’re not a burden.

Together, you’ve done so much of the important work that we all need to do regarding elder care and end-of-life planning. Keep those communication channels open. It will help you feel more secure and help you make changes if you need to.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.


Asking Eric: Ex-friend left behind dead cat (2024)

FAQs

What is the dead cat theory? ›

The dead cat strategy, also known as deadcatting, is the political strategy of deliberately making a shocking announcement to divert media attention away from problems or failures in other areas.

What does dead cat on the line mean? ›

This used as a way of telling people that something suspicious is happening.

What is the dead cat saying? ›

Derived from the idea that "even a dead cat will bounce if it falls from a great height", the phrase is also popularly applied to any case where a subject experiences a brief resurgence during or following a severe decline.

Should I show my cat her dead friend? ›

Should I show the body of my dead pet to my surviving cat? If your family pet has died from a cause that doesn't pose a risk of infection to your surviving cat, and you feel comfortable doing so, you can show your cat the body of your deceased pet.

What is the Schrödinger's dilemma? ›

Schrödinger's Cat is a famous thought experiment that demonstrates the idea in quantum physics that tiny particles can be in two states at once until they're observed. It asks you to imagine a cat in a box with a mechanism that might kill it. Until you look inside, the cat is both alive and dead at the same time.

What is the dead cat bounce theory? ›

A dead cat bounce is a temporary, short-lived recovery of asset prices from a prolonged decline or a bear market that is followed by the continuation of the downtrend. Frequently, downtrends are interrupted by brief periods of recovery—or small rallies—during which prices temporarily rise.

What does a dead cat symbolize? ›

Bad Luck or Misfortune: In some cultures, a dead cat may be considered a symbol of bad luck or misfortune. It could be interpreted as a warning to be cautious and take extra care to avoid potential pitfalls. Transition and Endings: Cats are often associated with mystery and independence.

What does swing a dead cat mean? ›

Others point to an old naval saying "You can't swing a cat in here," which means that the space is so small you can't possibly find room to whip a person with a cat-o-nine tail. One source said the idiom arose from the hot trend of telling dead cat jokes in the 1980s.

What does a dead cat bounce indicate? ›

A dead cat bounce is a short-term recovery in a declining trend that does not indicate a reversal of the downward trend. Reasons for a dead cat bounce include a clearing of short positions, investors believing the bottom has been reached, or investors that find oversold assets.

What does eating dead cat mean? ›

Somebody “eats a dead cat” when they have been declared responsible for something that has gone wrong. They were not involved with the incident, nor were they the person who is supposed to take the blame. In other words, they're a scapegoat – and in Cantonese, scapegoats eat dead cats.

What is a dead cat bounce slang? ›

: a brief and insignificant recovery (as of stock prices) after a steep decline.

What is the proverb of killed the cat? ›

"Curiosity killed the cat" is a proverb used to warn of the dangers of unnecessary investigation or experimentation. It also implies that being curious can sometimes lead to danger or misfortune. The original form of the proverb, now rarely used, was "Care killed the cat".

Do cats know they're being loved? ›

All in all, even the most aloof and brooding cat will be able to pick up on your warmth and devotion. Whether they choose to admit it or not, they can sense when a person loves them (and hates them). So always make sure you're emitting good, kitty-positive vibes, and your cat will be sure to indulge in the lovefest.

Do cats realize when their owner dies? ›

When a cat loses a companion, whether animal or human, she grieves and reacts to the changes in her life. Cats alter their behavior when they mourn, much like people do. They may become depressed and listless. They may have a decreased appetite and decline to play.

How long does grief last after losing a cat? ›

There is no “normal” timeline for grief. “It takes as long as it takes” may be a useful mantra. Additionally, each experience of loss is unique and may result in a variety of emotions. Whether you are feeling sad, anxious, tired, guilty, or relieved, this is normal.

What is Schrödinger's cat in simple terms? ›

In simple terms, Schrödinger said that if you place a cat and something that could kill the cat (a radioactive atom) in a box and sealed it, you would not know if the cat were dead or alive until you opened the box, so that until the box was opened, the cat was both "dead and alive".

What is the cat theory in psychology? ›

Cognitive analytic therapy, also known as CAT, is a talking therapy that mainly focuses on relationship patterns. It is based on the idea that our early life experiences influence the way we relate to other people and how we treat ourselves.

Is Schrödinger's cat theory true? ›

"Schrodinger's Cat" was not a real experiment and therefore did not scientifically prove anything. Schrodinger's Cat is not even part of any scientific theory. Schrodinger's Cat was simply a teaching tool that Schrodinger used to illustrate how some people were misinterpreting quantum theory.

What is the zombie cat theory? ›

Quantum Physics says the cat should be in “superposition” while we are not looking at it, just like the rest of the quantum system. Meaning the cat is both alive and dead at the same time until we look at it! Zombie cat!

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